


Time-Out Rock

by aphreal



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-25
Updated: 2014-09-25
Packaged: 2018-02-18 18:53:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2358590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aphreal/pseuds/aphreal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If Morrigan and Alistair keep acting like children, Nat is going to treat them like it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Time-Out Rock

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Dragon Age Reverse Big Bang 2014 flash round. This piece was inspired by adorable art from Calypso Tea, and I really enjoyed having the opportunity to write it.

Nat Brosca groaned in frustration as the sound of raised voices reached her yet again. She couldn’t make out the words, but that was hardly necessary to get the gist of what was being said. The tone of the conversation hadn’t changed in the past two hours, so there wasn’t much reason to expect anything new at this point.

Nat was starting to run out of ideas for dealing with the constant bickering between Alistair and Morrigan. She’d already offered to join Zev scouting at the front of the party to get away from the two of them. The excuse had been pretty transparent – Nat had no idea what half of the things in this forest were supposed to look like in the first place, so how would she recognize something out of place? – but she’d gotten sick of politely, or not so politely, suggesting that maybe they could find a topic of conversation that didn’t revolve around Morrigan being “an untrustworthy, evil swamp witch” and Alistair being “a moronic fool”.

Nugbane, padding along at Nat’s side, chuffed out a breath. While Nat wasn’t an expert on mabari behavior – noble hunting dogs weren’t a common sight in Dusttown, handy as they might be to keep down the vermin – she took his flattened ears as a sign that the endless noise irritated him, too. Nat rested an arm on the hound’s broad back as she walked, patting soothingly to keep him calm. An angry mabari snapping at one of her allies, no matter how much they deserved it, wouldn’t improve her afternoon any.

Zev melted out of the trees on her other side, and Nat quirked an eyebrow at him. “That’s a pretty neat trick, scouting out of sight while standing right here. You’re going to teach me how to do that one, right?”

He only laughed at her barb. “Why should I deprive myself of your enchanting company when we have no hope of sneaking up on anyone no matter what I do or do not do?”

“Fair point.” Nat grimaced. “Even a dead bronto wouldn’t miss us coming with the amount of noise those two are making.”

“Have they managed this entire time without interruption?”

“I think there might have been a break around lunch after Alistair nearly choked on a piece of jerky and quit talking to chew for a few minutes.” Nat grinned. “I’m going to make sure we have the hardest, chewiest foods I can find from now on.”

“I am simply impressed at the persistence. Such dedication.” Zevran gave her a lazy smile. “Although it seems a shame your fellow Grey Warden cannot find a better use for that stamina.”

Nat laughed, winking broadly. “He has no idea what he’s missing.”

Nat, Zev, and Nugbane walked on in silence for a while after that. Or at least the closest they could get to silence during the latest round of who hated who more.

Eventually, Nat quit pretending she could tune out the bickering. “Do you think this is what happens when you grow up without a sister or brother to fight with? It’s like they’re both trying to fit a whole life worth of sibling rivalry into the space of one Blight.”

She missed Zev’s response, likely laden with blatant innuendo she would have found amusing, because a memory distracted her. She and Rica, in trouble as usual, probably for breaking something they shouldn’t have been playing with in the first place, and vehemently fighting over whose fault it had been. She’d thought Mother’s punishment was stupid at the time, but it had worked, more or less. And anything would be better than another day of listening to this.

“If they’re going to act like spoiled children, let’s try treating them like it.” Nat scritched Nugbane behind the ears and grinned at Zev. “Can you scout us out a camp site for the night that has a big, flat rock nearby?”

 

When they made camp for the night, Nat delegated all of the usual tasks – making a fire and setting up the tents and starting dinner – and went to look at the rock Zev had found. Studying it with her keen dwarven senses for rocks, she confirmed it was definitely a nice, big rock. Just what she needed. It was the right height, around her hips so a good knee level for gawky humans. It was flat enough to sit on somewhat comfortably but not worn enough to be too inviting. And most importantly, it was far enough away from the main camp site that she wouldn’t be able to hear a thing unless they finally resorted to attempts at murder. Perfect.

Strolling back to the camp, Nat whistled cheerily, flipping her dagger into the air and catching it as she went. Even the sudden bombardment by strident raised voices when she reached the clearing couldn’t fully dampen her improved mood. With any luck, she wouldn’t be listening to them for that much longer.

“Hey, Zev, do you still have that rope, the one that holds tight knots you can get out without cutting?”

His eyes lit up, lips curling into a suggestive smile. “You’ve decided to let me show you what we can do with it?”

“You can try to talk me into it later.” Nat grinned, stroking a finger along the tattoo on his cheek. “Assuming it hasn’t been set on fire by then.”

“Maybe I should be letting _you_ show _me_ what we could do with rope, yes?”

Nat laughed. “It’s not as fun as whatever you’re thinking. But tell you what… you let me borrow your rope, and if Morrigan ruins it I promise I’ll make it up to you. Somehow.” She lowered her voice to a throaty register on the final word and peered up at him through her eyelashes.

“How can I refuse an offer like that?” Zev’s lips curled into that irresistible, secretive little smile, and Nat reveled yet again in the heady knowledge that someone as experienced as him sincerely enjoyed her overdone flirtation. “I will get it for you right away. And maybe I should encourage Morrigan to be careless with the fire, yes?”

 

With the rope in one hand and her dagger in the other, Nat interrupted the continual argument and demanded that both Alistair and Morrigan come with her. Right now. Alistair started to protest, something about dinner, but he didn’t get very far. Whether the naked dagger or her expression successfully shut him up, Nat was just grateful for a few minutes of quiet as he fell in behind her, alongside a skeptical Morrigan. Nugbane tagged along at Nat’s heels, stubby tail wagging and a smaller ball of twine clutched in his mouth. She led the three of them towards the rock, ignoring both Morrigan’s aloof sneer and Alistair’s wary glances at the rope and dagger she carried.

“Um, Nat, I know you’ve been getting annoyed, but isn’t taking us out into the woods to kill us and hide our bodies a little much? Couldn’t we start with maybe a stern lecture?”

Nat pursed her lips. “That may be what you’re used to in the Chantry, but we’re going to try the Orzammar solution.” They arrived at the rock, and Nat gestured grandly. “ _This_ is what I’m used to.”

“’Tis a rock. We’ve seen many like it, both in and out of Orzammar. Is there a point to this nonsense?”

“Yep.” Nat walked right up to the rock and knelt down, scraping her dagger tip into the stone as she explained. “This isn’t just a rock; it’s a special rock. We had one a lot like it in Dusttown, and I spent a lot of time on that rock. Usually with Rica. Leske a couple times, although I still say that was his fault.” She grinned at the memory. “Anyway, since you two can’t get along on your own, we’re going to see if the rock can help.”

Finishing her carving, Nat stood up and brushed the dirt off her knees. She stepped aside to display crudely-scratched lettering that read “Time-Out Rock”.

“Here’s how this works. It’s simple. You sit on the rock. And you stay on the rock until you can get along.” She sighed, bowing to the inevitable. “Or at least until the rest of us are done with dinner.” If nothing else, she would settle for getting one peaceful meal out of this.

They both just stood there, eyes shifting between her and the rock. Morrigan had her arms folded, and Alistair fidgeted. Nat glared at them with narrowed eyes. “On the rock. Now.” She’d never realized before just how much she could sound like her mother.

The tone of maternal disapproval worked on them every bit as well as it had on Nat and Rica. Morrigan perched stiffly on the edge of the rock, her head held high and her expression disdainful. Alistair sat more awkwardly on the other side, continuing to regard Nat warily.

“What’s the rope for?”

Nat grinned widely, showing teeth. “To make sure you stay on the rock.”

Ignoring his yelp of protest, Nat began wrapping Zev’s rope around Alistair and Morrigan, forcing them to shift further onto the rock to sit back to back inside the snug loops of cord. When she reached the end, she tied it off in a knot Zev had shown her in exchange for a promise she would put the skill to a different use some other time.

Nat took a step back, admiring her handiwork. “Okay, there we are. That should hold the two of you until you make me believe you can play nicely.”

Alistair laughed nervously. “You’ve made your point, Nat. I’m sorry, and I’ll try to be less annoying in the future.”

“It’s not me you need to make nice with to get off that rock. Try talking to Morrigan. Nicely.” Nat shrugged and started towards the camp and the prospect of a meal without bickering.

“Where are you going?” Alistair sounded worried.

Nat turned back to answer. “To have dinner. You need to talk to each other, not me. And I’m going to be far enough away I don’t have to hear it until you can talk without fighting.”

“You’re just leaving us here?” He’d moved from nervous to outright panicky.

“The… Warden… has a point.”

Nat tried not to snicker as Morrigan forced herself to get through five words about Alistair without an insult. Look at that, tied up for less than a minute, and they were already trying to be polite. Score one for the Time-Out Rock!

Unaware of Nat’s internal scorekeeping, Morrigan continued. “How will you know when your conditions are satisfied if you remain out of hearing range?”

“Easy. Nugbane already had his dinner, so he’s going to stay and make sure you two play nice. He’ll come get me to let you off the rock.” Nat fixed them both with a stern glare. “But not until you’ve earned it. So if you don’t want to stay here all night, shake hands and play nice.”

The mabari underscored her words with a conversational woof blending into a hint of a growl.

“You tell ‘em, boy.” Grinning, Nat left the situation in Nugbane’s capable paws and made her way through the darkening woods back to the camp, nearly skipping with anticipation for an entire dinner where no one questioned anyone else’s upbringing, intelligence, judgment, or trustworthiness. She’d almost forgotten what that was like.

 

A few minutes passed, the silence broken only by the soft growling sounds of the mabari worrying at his ball of twine.

“So, um, I think Nat’s actually serious about this.”

“Truly? Are you certain? She left us tied to a rock in the middle of a forest under the care of a slobbering hound, and you think she might mean something by it? What a profound insight!”

“I just thought maybe we could try, I don’t know, maybe doing what she asked so we don’t have to sit on this hard rock all night.”

“It should come as no surprise you respond well to punishments intended for errant children. ‘Tis something you can understand.”

“You know what? I was wrong. It turns out this is a surprisingly comfortable rock. Maybe I’ll sleep here.”

 

“I’m surprised you’re still here.”

“Did the rope binding us together somehow escape your notice?”

“Oh, is that what that is? Silly me, I thought Nat just had really terrible taste in accessories and bought a belt twenty sizes too big.”

“If you are aware that I’ve been restrained, why would you expect me to have left?”

“I figured you would use some shape changing magic to get the rope looser.”

“I see little advantage in my most familiar alternate forms. Unless you would prefer being bound to a giant spider.”

“Eurgh… no. But thank you so much for that wonderful image. I needed some variety to my nightmares. All darkspawn all the time gets so dull.”

 

“Not that I’m suggesting it, but if you can’t change yourself into something to get out of the ropes, why haven’t you tried turning me into – I don’t know – a frog or something?”

“I have not heard that one for years. ‘An evil witch turned me into a newt.’ Foolish tales for foolish children. There is no such spell.”

“Oh, I guess that’s a relief, then.”

“But if there were, I would still not consider using it on you.”

“Hear that, Nugbane? Morrigan just said something nice to me. You can go get Nat now and tell her we’re done. She’d better have saved me dinner.”

“’Twas not intended as a sign of regard. I would not wish to inflict your presence upon innocent amphibians, tempting as it might be to limit your conversation to croaking.”

“Never mind, Nug. False alarm. I’m going to starve here.”

 

“C’mon, boy, couldn’t you go tell Nat we’ve been good and she should let us out? It’s only a little lie, and you’d be happier curled up by a warm fire than sitting out here in the cold, too, wouldn’t you?”

“You intend to persuade a mabari hound to betray his bonded mistress. What a brilliant plan!”

“It was worth a try. Dogs like me.”

“You share many common interests, I’m sure.”

“Also, I figure I’ve got a better shot at getting him to be reasonable than you.”

“This entire situation is utterly unreasonable. Why should I be otherwise?”

“Because Nat is going to make us sit here until you do. So you could at least pretend to make an effort.”

“To what end? I see no purpose in putting on a false face to deceive a friend when it is clear nothing of worth will come of it. I do not like you; you do not like me. A few false pleasantries witnessed by a mabari are hardly going to change that.”

“So what would you prefer? That we sit here forever?”

“Do not be so dramatic. The Warden said she would return after dinner, regardless of the outcome of this farce. I intend to wait. Preferably without any more inane chatter.”

“That’s fine by me. I didn’t want to talk to you in the first place; I was only doing it for Nat. You know, it’s too bad that newt spell doesn’t work. The frogs would probably be nicer company.”

 

Disheartened, Nat perched on top of the failed Time-Out Rock and wound Zev’s rope back into its neat coils. Nugbane lay on the ground, growling softly as he worried at his ball of twine, but otherwise Nat was alone. As soon as she’d undone the knots, Morrigan and Alistair had all but fled, eager to get away from each other and, in Alistair’s case, closer to the meal he’d missed.

“I don’t know where I went wrong, boy.” Nat sighed as she hopped down from the rock, slinging the coil of rope onto one shoulder. “The Time-Out Rock always worked for me and Rica. Maybe you have to really be siblings instead of just act like it.”

When she and Nugsbane got back to the camp, Nat learned Oghren had another explanation. “It didn’t work, did it? I could’ve told you that. You did it wrong!”

“What do you mean?” Nat frowned. “How can you do a Time-Out Rock wrong? It’s a rock. I made them sit on it. I didn’t let them get up.” She held up the rope in demonstration. “I even labeled the rock! What is there to get wrong?”

Oghren chortled. “You used the version for pebbles. Should have gone with the one for quarreling lovers. Branka and I had to do that a few times when her clan got fed up with us. Always worked.”

Morrigan sneered in disgust, and Alistair choked on the second bowl of stew he was shoveling into his mouth. Nat tilted her head, intrigued. “I’ve never heard of that one. How’s it different?”

“Same rock, same rope. Only difference is you face them the other way.” He leered drunkenly. “Sit tied together like that for a while and, no matter what you were fighting about, something else becomes far more pressing.” He chortled again. “Lots of pressing. Maybe some grinding, too.”

Zev’s low chuckle brought a grin to Nat’s lips, and she shifted over a little to set a hand casually on his knee. Or maybe not exactly his knee, but close enough.

Morrigan, however, found it less amusing. “If you ever suggest that again, dwarf, I will burn the whiskers off your face. For a start.” She stood abruptly and strode from the fire towards her tent.

Alistair didn’t say anything, but Nat thought he looked a little greenish as he set down his half-eaten dinner. Nugsbane happily took advantage of the abandoned stew, slinking over to lap the bowl clean. Alistair didn’t even notice his longed-for food disappearing down the hound’s gullet.

A few minutes later, Alistair and Oghren left the fire for their tents as well, the latter in his usual drunken stagger and the former still looking a bit queasy. Watching them go, Zevran chuckled again. “It seems Oghren may have stumbled into a solution.”

Nat looked over at him surprised. “You really think a good rutting would sort those two out?”

He pursed his lips thoughtfully for a moment and then shook his head. “Sadly, I think not. Even if they would go through with it, I imagine they would only hate one another more afterwards.”

Nat snorted. “Then how does Oghren’s suggestion help any?”

“It gives common ground.” Zev smirked, leaning in like he was sharing a secret. “I will bet you anything you like – and I am quite well acquainted with what you like – that if you were to ask them right now, both Morrigan and Alistair would be more angry with Oghren than one another. It may not be a very big thing, but it is something they can agree upon, and that is a start, no?”


End file.
